"what do you need"
"a white person to carve our turkey"

"you can expect to see your picture in monday's daily news"
"what section?"
"it's the daily news - it's one big section"

"i really wish we had a second floor so i could jump off it"

"traffic was murder"
"that's because everyone has two thanksgivings to go to"

"should i not mention my family? i never know how you're going to react"

"it was going great. until it wasn't"